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2011-02-02 4-35-59- |
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Let Me Feed You
So here's the deal...I want to cook you dinner.This won't include sex of the oral or not-oral variety. There will be no crying. There will be n black dating online Chester NY o screaming. I don't want to sit you in front of a committee of people and have them laugh at you, loudly, in your face. I also must ask that you do not kill me in my apartment so the landlord finds me a week later with my face eaten off by my kitten.All I want is for a nice, good-looking young man to sit down at my table and enjoy a delicious meal prepared by yours truly. Years of dating a picky eater have left me feeling insecure and unconfident of my cooking skills. Watching him pick vegetables out and make wrinkled hate-faces at fresh monkfish has made me stove shy. Now that I'm single it seems downright indulgent to cook a solo meal. Some days, when I catch a passing glimpse of the inside of my fridge, I don't even recognize myself. Last week it got so bad that I ate tuna straight from the can. At midnight. With jarred pasta sauce. While doing this, I actually closed the blinds so the neighbors wouldn't see me.I threw a dinner party for friends, but people mostly wanted to drink and the food costs ultimately weren't worth the trouble. I've opened a bottle of wine, fired up the grill, and made spicy prawns for me and the neighborhood cats. I've braised lamb and prepared risotto for the benefit of nobody but myself. I love cooking for the sheer joy of it, but now I want someone to enjoy it.. Which is where you come in. I want you to sit down, eat a meal, and honestly enjoy it. There's no need for histrionics, however. You don't have to say that my cooking makes the angels weep. I just want you to acknowledge that yes, a sexy girl just cooked for me and I enjoyed every minute of it.You: must love food. If you think to yourself, "well sure I enjoy food just as long as there are no red onions, capers, anchovies, etc." then you are not what I'm looking for.Please be attractive. You don't have to look like a male model, but this won't work out so well if you scare children. Please be under the age of 32. I'm looking for someone funny and interesting, with a sharp wit and a kind heart. I need some culinary healing. Maybe you do too.
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